Infinite Cosmic Cafeteria Chapter 69: Too Hardcore

Translator: Stellar Novels Editor: Stellar Novels

In the live stream, a nine-headed beauty wearing a white silk JK uniform was passionately dancing, her long legs taking up nearly half the screen.

A chorus of cheers erupted from the viewers, who showered her with rewards. Only a few IDs noticed Ma Lu and Old Wang in the background, their necks stretched like giraffes.

To her right, three internet-famous frogs were fiercely battling a Snow King, locked in an intense fight. One of the frogs had its head twisted 180 degrees.

(Translator's Note: Not sure what any of this means, I think they’re playing a game)

On the other side of their brawl, a shirtless man was chugging a bottle of Erguotou, with three empty 750ml bottles already at his feet.

After finishing his bottle, he immediately opened another. He was bold and generous, pouring some onto a piece of white paper and lighting it with a lighter to prove it was the real stuff before tipping the bottle into his throat.

Five steps away, a girl weighing barely 90 pounds was crouching by the curb, gagging and vomiting. She had just spent 540 yuan to buy 30 servings of Queen’s Crisps and eaten them all in one go on camera.

Across the street, two young men with dyed hair were performing ghost dance steps while rapping.

“Fire! Fire! Fire! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! This Grilled Sausage here, spits fire! It’s fire, fire, fire, fire, not whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Yeah, man!”

Shen Yue had dragged a chair from somewhere and was sitting on the side, eating sunflower seeds and enjoying the show.

Ma Lu glanced at her, “Don’t you have class?”

“How can Chemical Engineering Principles compare to this kind of entertainment?” Shen Yue spat the sunflower seed shells into the small trash bin Ma Lu had brought.

“Damn, one of the frogs’ sons got snatched, hahaha, go on, you three! Yeah, ride him just like that!”

Shen Yue cracked another sunflower seed open. “Is it just me, or does it feel like all the city’s weirdos have gathered here?”

“It’s because I have a lot of traffic here now.”

Ma Lu reached into Shen Yue’s bag and grabbed some seeds. The process of making Queen’s Crisps didn’t require his help, and with the booming business at the Universe’s Best Snack Stall, they no longer needed to attract customers, leaving him with plenty of free time to snack with Shen Yue.

“Internet celebrities thrive on traffic; naturally, they chase it. Whether it’s drinking or playing the fool, as long as they don’t get left behind by the flow.”

While Ma Lu was speaking, he noticed a figure standing by the food stall for a long time.

It was a girl who looked about eighteen or nineteen, but not a student of Civil Aviation University. She was wearing a cheap cosplay outfit.

She had also put on makeup, probably to look more mature, but her skills were lacking. The foundation was too thick, the eyeshadow poorly blended, the eyeliner too bold, and the lipstick too dark.

If her natural looks were a solid 7 out of 10, the makeup had brought it down to a 5.

Ma Lu noticed she had been hesitating there for almost ten minutes, so he called out, “Rin Tohsaka.”

The girl didn’t realize at first that Ma Lu was talking to her. She looked around, saw no one responding, and then turned back to look at Ma Lu.

“Yes, I mean you.”

The girl instinctively stepped back two paces, quickly apologizing, “Sorry, sorry, I didn’t mean to stand here and disrupt your business. I’ll leave right away.”

“You’ve come this far; are you going to leave without going live?” Ma Lu pointed to the selfie stick tripod in her hand. “You’re a streamer, right?”

“Oh.” The girl looked embarrassed, caught between staying and leaving.

“What’s your talent?” Shen Yue asked, crossing her legs like a judge on China’s Got Talent.

“Um, um, I can dance.” The girl was visibly nervous, like an amateur auditioning for a talent show.

“Okay.”

She fumbled to play some music on her phone and started dancing along. It seemed like she was performing a dance to the song “Happy Synthesizer,” a popular otaku dance.

Not to mention that the popularity of “Happy Synthesizer” was already a decade old, her dancing was not great either. She looked like a complete beginner who had only just started learning a couple of days ago—always half a beat behind, with unrefined movements.

After finishing the routine, Shen Yue frowned and asked Ma Lu, “Do you want to go first, or should I?”

“You go ahead.”

“It was a mess,” Shen Yue critiqued bluntly. “First, your makeup is terrible; it makes you look tacky. Well, some viewers do like girls with a plain look, but you’ve dressed as Rin Tohsaka. By the way, why Rin Tohsaka? Are you a Type-Moon fan?”

“I don’t know what a Type-Moon fan is, and I don’t know who Rin Tohsaka is,” the girl replied timidly. “I just picked this because it was cheap, only 50 yuan. The shop owner said young people like it.”

“Young people don’t have money,” Shen Yue shook her head. “Middle-aged uncles are the real big spenders, willing to shower you with gifts. But you have to know how to coax them, have a sweet mouth, know how to act coy, satisfy their vanity and protective instincts, and be able to comfort them when they’re feeling low.

“Asking for gifts takes skill. Many people look down on streamers, thinking anyone can do it, but knowing how to get your audience to spend money without turning them off is a skill as complex as advanced math.

“Of course, if you’re uncomfortable talking sweetly to people old enough to be your dad and still want to earn money from younger viewers, that’s possible too. Hardcore otakus can be quite willing to spend, but they demand precision in your cosplay.

“Your outfit is too amateur, and your conversations need to cover the anime and games they like. Do you have any knowledge in this area? Can you tell the difference between Ultraman Seven and Ultraman Ace? Do you know how to build a team for Nilou, which weapons and relics to use? If your top supporter is a Genshin fan and the second is an Arknights fan, and they start arguing, do you know how to mediate while making a little extra in the process?”

Before the girl could respond, Shen Yue raised her second finger. “Second—no, let’s skip to your biggest problem. Your dance is bad, your outfit isn’t right, but these are minor details. You can’t even get the basics right, and that’s a sign of disrespect to this field.

“Did you have no dance training at all? How can you mess up something as basic as the U-shaped hip sway, an entry-level jazz dance move? Your glass-wiping motion was more professional than a cleaning lady’s, and your waist and hips look like they’re welded together. There’s no sense of allure at all—it’s too hardcore.”

Shen Yue finished her critique in one breath, grabbed some more sunflower seeds, and turned to Ma Lu, “Anything you’d like to add?”

“You forgot to start the stream,” Ma Lu pointed to the girl’s phone, kindly reminding her, “You just danced for nothing.”

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” The girl’s cheeks flushed, and she looked like she was on the verge of tears. “I... I’ll practice hard when I get back.”

“Or you could consider taking a class,” Shen Yue suggested.

“I-I used to work as a production operator at an electronics factory. I offended the line leader, so I left and started streaming. I want to save up money to learn how to make coffee. I want to be a barista,” the girl said, sniffing.

The weather was getting chilly, and her 50-yuan Rin Tohsaka costume didn’t provide much warmth.

Ma Lu said, “If you want to stream, then stream. There are already a lot of people streaming here, one more won’t make a difference. And this street isn’t mine; you don’t need to worry about my attitude.”

The girl quickly waved her hands, “I’m just here to ride on your popularity, so I need your permission,” she said, bowing deeply three times. “Thank you, Boss. Thank you, Madam. I’ll work hard from now on.”

“I’m not the Madam,” Shen Yue said while picking her nose. “I’m just a curious bystander. You... ah, forget it. I’ll find someone tomorrow to teach you how to do your makeup.”

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